10 Ways To Be A Passive-Aggressive, Megalomaniacal Control Freak
This can apply to any work, volunteer, or COMMUNITY THEATER environment.
1. Speak in soft tones, even if you are telling someone to eat their feces.
2. Phrase everything as a fake suggestion, even though it’s a command: So, maybe we can sniff my toenails one more time.
3. Have thick, curly hair and rearrange it frequently. This suggests softness of spirit and an easy-going manner. It also has a distracting effect: hair is quicker than the mind.
4. Just be totally fucking crazy.
5. Attempt to elevate your status by offering compliments with an overdone and obvious restraint in both your tone and word choice: Lovely job. Nice.
6. Use the word ‘professional’ in every fifth sentence.
7. Tell everyone that you work for a major entertainment conglomerate, but do not disclose your job title. They will forgive your numerous shortcomings because they might think you actually drew Buzz Lightyear. And when you watch the Oscars, discuss it like you’re a cinematic proctologist.
8. Wear scarves.
9. Use animosity when asking someone where the animosity is coming from.
10. React to someone who disagrees with you the same level of victimization that you would exhibit if your boyfriend yelled at your sister, slapped your mother, and bought you a bag of poo for your birthday. And then forced you to sniff his armpits for a half-an-hour. While he ate his boogers.
Related articles by Zemanta
- Dumbo, The Musical, Heading To Broadway! (perezhilton.com)



Nice. Lovely job, Greta. Ha! There’s nothing passive about the aggression of short people. I was short once, but then I grew up.
I love short people, but as a taller person you feel odd matching their aggression if that’s what they’ve give you. (The elephant said with tears in his eyes.) (The one who had a grasshopper step on his toe.)
Finally, Finally…I’ve been looking for this information for a long time. Thanks
Reeeally? So glad to be of service to you. XO, Greta
Perhaps you should learn the correct definition of passive-aggressive before you make a list of 10 ways to be passive-aggressive. (You probably think this comment is passive-aggressive. It isn’t)
How can I be expected to use passive-aggressive correctly when I got a C- in Psyc 200? I was trying to do right by the street definition. I will do some more research. Thanks for you comment. XO, Greta