Archive for the ‘Recipes’ Category

"Her majesty would desire a most decadent float of Grand Marnier. O, and a shore on which to rest my royal bum. That is all."

Readers of this blog know how much Greta loves her margaritas.  And when you consider the regularity of Google searches for margaritas that lead to this site, you could call Saving Private Mommy the blog that margaritas built.  And I love showing margaritas my gratitude.  I drink them.

And in the true spirit of my own Gretaness, I convinced my husband to shake (not stir) some of these beverages on the beach for all of us staying at JT’s wife’s cabin.  (I’m preferring this title to her name.)   And all I can tell you is that you MUST make sure that you end up along the shore of one of the most beautiful lakes in the world (in this case Lake Tahoe), and when you do, put one of these in your hand, and you will think that you are the Queen of England or Prince Chaz or the sun-kissed, beach-going equivalent.

I’m still trying to convince myself that I wasn’t drinking actual sugary orange peels in a salty lime bath.  The confluence of citruses, sweetness, and salt was SYMPHONIC.  And before a hot and breezy backdrop with a Godzilla-sized blanket of sapphire-colored water, it was truly a red, plastic, beer cup of perfection.  The only thing missing, was my body being tatted, toned and aglitter with nipple rings.  Thankfully, I would never get nipple rings.  But if I had a tattoo, it would be of this recipe.

• Mix and shake the following ingredients with some ice:  4 oz. Chevy’s FRESH SWEET AND SOUR MIX or other margarita mix, 1 1/4 oz. TEQUILA, 1/4 oz. TRIPLE SEC.
• SALT a frosted glass. Don’t opt for no salt.  Fill glass with ICE.
• Pour strained drink mixture into the glass.  (Strained in a good way.)
• 1/4 oz. GRAND MARNIER (floating as a bronzy layer on the top, like tanning pioneer Coco Chanel in St. Tropez).
• Garnish with a slice or wedge of LIME, and behold the power of live fruit, now dead.

"Watch me, Baby."

Staying at home with our children full time is not unnatural.   Entirely.  Though it doesn’t feel natural after seven years as an over-uber-hyper-employed mom.  Or after many years of too much intensity of work, which, in the new millennium, is nothing unusual.  We have a lot of things to pay for: homes, gadgets, phone bills and bills.  And ‘whatever the market will bear’ is what double-income, overworked families purchase in over-sized, excessive amounts at Costco and everywhere else.  That’s a lot of bearing.

So stopping and listening to a child for truckloads of intervals all day long is such an unfamiliar speed.  And when she tells you in an amazed, three-year-old voice that, “The toast is cooking,” it occurs to you that maybe you should join her in watching it.  WATCHING TOAST COOK?  NO.  NO WAY.

Though I think, maybe, that learning how to watch toast cook is a tiny bit harder than riding on a speed train of adrenaline via deadlines and pushy, close-talking colleagues, who do or don’t have man hands.  And watching toast cook is in no way more noble, but it takes more discipline because there is nothing or no one to blame or bang your head against.  It’s just you, your child, and the toast.

And the elusive ability to savor the mundane.

And to redeem any emptiness in the act of watching toast cook, I give you The Pioneer Woman’s recipe for the BEST CINNAMON TOAST.  IN DA WORLD.  It’s so good, your kids will tell you it’s making the house smell like Ikea.  And they will be right.

• Take some SOFTENED BUTTER and drop it in a bowl.  Unsalted butter, please.  Don’t ask me how much.  It’s your kitchen, not mine.
• Add some CINNAMON.  Some.
• Give it some SUGAR.  A couple of heaping spoonfuls.  Everything will be okay.
• And then, separate yourself from the rest of America by adding a dash of VANILLA EXTRACT.  Or a little more if you want.
• Mix.
• Spread on bread.
• Watch toast cook.
• Eat with coffee.  Serve to the kids with a glass of milk.
• Drop some fruit on the side so you don’t feel like a loser parent.  A few berries will do.
• Let them eat toast.  Enjoy the accolades.  Go back to sleep for 1/2 hour while the kids watch TV in your bed.

Hey, Channa Masala and Naan Bread. Thank you.

I am not really sure what America has done to deserve Trader Joe’s Channa Masala and Naan bread, but I would beam, not run, to the nearest TJ’s to get some.  I am not a connoisseur of Indian cuisine, but after this dish I can’t see why I don’t always set fire to my tongue every night via the food of the biggest democracy in the world.  Outsource me now!

As if taste good enough to impress even your friends from Berkeley weren’t enough, the meal is VEGETARIAN.  Even your heart loves this!  How often do the tongue and the heart battle over possession of your mind?  Oooooooo.

But here’s the grand finale of good fortune.  THIS IS AVAILABLE IN THE FROZEN SECTION.  So for less effort than walking to the car that will float your healthy rump through the drive-thru, dinner can happen.  To people like you and me.  What a country!

So my recipe for a great dinner is to direct you to the icy boxes of that lovable little grocery store (I swear, not an ad).  Get some Channa Masala and Naan Bread, before you start doubting yourself and decide that you’re just not worth it, because I believe you really are.  Unless you are my brainless and hairless former boss.  In that case, I wish you an eighteen-course meal of all your clothing, accessories included.  That you must cook and eat by yourself.  Naked.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Making Naan The Easy Way (notecook.com)
• Indian Cookery Book: Miss Masala by Mallika Basu (thefoodielist.co.uk)

We love you, Marge.

I have uncovered the formula for a margarita that is worthy of the Top Shelf of your Cadillac.  The one that inspired The Drunk Blog and the The Drunk Blog Part Two, Plus a Tangent on Cannery Woe.  With the help of Chevys.com, and numerous attempts by my husband, I have the recipe, that on Chevy’s unwitting behalf, I will share with you.  And then we’ll call it free advertisement.

This one has the right mix of sweet and sour, thanks to Chevy’s sweet and sour mix and that ALL-IMPORTANT FLOAT OF GRAND MARNIER.   That’s what gives you the most sensational, happy collision of ying, yang, and yong:  lime, lemon and orange.  If a citrus orchard were to explode in your mouth, it would taste just like this.  And it would be the best thing to happen to you since Farmville and sleeping in.

I’m going to violate the No Measuring Rule here at Saving Private Mommy, but as in making a good brownie, you need the precision of a naval aviator on Fleet Week.    So measure, mix, dip and squeeze with studied accuracy and then welcome yourself to your very own Margaritaville.  Drink sparingly and only with the perfect guacamole at hand, which, coincidentally, I have a recipe for, right here.

• Mix and shake the following ingredients with some ice:  4 oz. Chevy’s FRESH SWEET AND SOUR MIX or other margarita mix, 1 1/4 oz. TEQUILA, 1/4 oz. TRIPLE SEC.
• SALT a frosted glass. Don’t opt for no salt.  Fill glass with ICE.
• Pour strained drink mixture into the glass.  (Strained in a good way.)
• 1/4 oz. GRAND MARNIER (floating as a bronzy layer on the top, like tanning pioneer Coco Chanel in St. Tropez).
• Garnish with a slice or wedge of LIME, and behold the power of live fruit, now dead.

SPECIAL NOTE for people who don’t pay attention to units of measurement at the bar scene:  1 shot equals 1 oz. of tequila.  The simplicity of that and the order of the rest of the universe certainly makes you believe in a higher power.  Doesn’t it?

Related articles by Zemanta

• Pucker Power! Health Benefits of Lemons and Limes (lifescript.com)
• National Margarita Day: Everything You Need To Know (RECIPES, VIDEO) (huffingtonpost.com)
• 7 Refreshing Summer Cocktails (lifescript.com)
• 7 Delicious Desserts Under 250 Calories (lifescript.com)

Photo from Recipe Matcher.com, only because it's late and I'm going to the bakery like I suggested to you, but I have made these numerous times and I stand by them, but would prefer to stand in them.

For Easter I wanted to give a dessert recipe because ham is so room temperature and so easy.  And, of course, you’re going to serve it with some asparagus, and a salad, and, that’s just easy, and for an appetizer you’ll just need some guacamole and bruschetta, nothing fancy.  But you need dessert.

It’s serious business and you’re running out of ideas, and I’m thinking about the bunny cakes that my mom used to cut out of two cake rounds, but that was the 70s, and you’re thinking about the Williams-Sonoma cake mold pan and how you can just sprinkle the 3-d bunny cake with powdered sugar, but in the end, you’re tired, and if you have kids, Spring Break is coming and we all know what that means, so I’d like to encourage you to go to the bakery or supermarket, and get some light tart, either lemon or berry, and just serve that.  It’s spring and it’s Easter and Passover, and it’s time to lighten up a bit, not just the palate but the ambition as well.

Bakeries make professional quality desserts, and why should you try to be a professional just because Jesus resurrected?  Jesus reverse sky dives and walks on water, but not you, nor do you have to at this time.  I urge you, go to the bakery and get something for people to carelessly shove in their mouths or something that the skinny people are just going to push around their plates to look like they eat.

But if you’re really dying for a dessert, okay, okay, here’s this one.  Lemon Bars. From the Better Homes and Gardens New Cook Book. They are classic, perhaps a bit common, but they are very tasty and sweetly tart and they are not chocolate which is so Christmas and Valentine’s Day and Standard Time.  Plus you will be living in a chocolate Mecca of bunnies and eggs, so chill out with the dessert already.

• Combine 2 cups FLOUR, 1/2 cup SIFTED POWDERED SUGAR (Only don’t sift it.  Never sift things.  Sifting is crucial to a quality product, but if you sift you will feel so victimized that you will never bake again), 2 tablespoons CORN STARCH, 1/4 teaspoon SALT, and 3/4 cup BUTTER.  PULSE in the food processor, and you will know why people fall in love with household appliances.  When it resembles cornmeal, plop it into a greased baking pan.  Press it along bottom to form a crust.  BAKE in 350° oven for 18 MINUTES until golden.

• Next, in a bowl, WHISK 4 EGGS, 1 1/2 cups GRANULATED SUGAR, 3 tablespoon FLOUR, 1 teaspoon LEMON ZEST, 3/4 cups LEMON JUICE, 1/4 cup HALF-AND-HALF, LIGHT CREAM or MILK.  POUR the lemon mixture onto the crust and, whoa steady girl, don’t spill it all over the floor because your husband will hate to have to mop again.  I mean, he just mopped and now you…

• Let it BAKE for 15 or 20 MINUTES until the center is set or it’s the about the consistency of your thighs.  If you are really fit, don’t bake it to match your thighs.  Buns of steel is not a good consistency for lemon bars.  Men, don’t bake it until it’s as hairy as you are.

• Let it COOOL before SIFTING (go ahead, this time) POWDERED SUGAR on top or it will dissolve in the warm, lemony bar, and you’ll feel totally gypped, yet unable to take it out on something so inanimate and lemony and good.

Cut them in little squares and put them on a gorgeous plate for an elegant presentation.  Refrigerate, please.  Pray that your sister-in-law brought crappy wine, and that you will outdo her in your mother-in-law’s eyes, finally, for once.  Then go in the bathroom, look in the mirror and slap yourself for being such a competitive little twit on Easter.

Eat all the lemon bars that no one eats, feel intense remorse, and vow to lose 20 pounds before the Fourth of July.