Archive for the ‘Recipes’ Category

I’m not a fan of clichés since I like to think outside of the box, and I usually bend over backwards to avoid them, but at the end of the day, sometimes clichés get the job done.  Especially if that cliché is a chocolate-covered strawberry on Valentine’s Day.  Now that’s a hackneyed idea that should be embraced, or rather, bitten into, since hugging a strawberry is a waste of time.  To make a long story short, I’ll explain my choice in hopes that you, too, will drink the Koolaid.

Chocolate strawberries are tasty, elegant, and, let’s face it, full of fiber.  They are a lighter option than the brownie sundae, unless you eat twelve of them, like I did at my husband’s work Christmas party.  They do give you that gourmet experience with a very low-fuss preparation process.  I’m going out on a limb here, but I’ll assume that most folks don’t go gangbusters over the idea of crafting those fussy, but tasty, little petit fours.  While you deserve the indulgence, time is money, and who wants the pressure to always be firing on all cylinders when it comes to cooking for a holiday?  I hope you don’t mind that I went over your head and authorized you to make a clichéd, easy, yet gourmet dessert.  I hope you’ll consider finding a spot for these on the table since you already have a lot on your plate whilst your irons are in the fire and your candles are burning at both ends.  Watch out for the tablecloth!

• Melt chocolate chips in a saucepan over medium heat.  Remove from stove when melted.

• Dip in strawberries.  Let cool.  Refrigerate.  And go ahead and count these eggs before they hatch.

• Eat.

So make this very tasty and easy cliché, and save your midnight oil for some other occasion, like hiding your wealth from the IRS at 9 PM on April 14^th, a time when you really need to knock it out of the park.

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I’m so sorry that I almost ruined your Valentine’s Day.  Really.  If you decided to go with the Saving Private Mommy At Home Dinner, you were probably interested in finding out what the MAIN COURSE would be at least fifteen minutes before you sat down to eat it.  I’m sorry that I got a bit buried and distracted by talking cupcakes and seasonal verbs.  I hope that I’m catching you before you went to the meat counter, and that you haven’t sought out some time-consuming help in the unkind embrace of a recipe from Martha Stewart. She’s lovely, but such a Nazi about measuring, and she would never let you sneak in a jar of sauce like I will, if you choose.

This chicken parmesan recipe is the lead actor in an all-star, Valentine’s Day, Broadway cast of foods.  After a bruschetta overture, followed by caesar’s opening scene, chicken parmesan will enter the stage costumed in a baked coat of golden breading, with tangy sauce and cheese to make the scene truly climactic. With  a heart-shaped brownie denoument, the rest of V-day 2010 will be history.  Let’s get cookin’, good lookin’.

• First you need to Rachel Ray the chicken:  butterfly a boneless, skinless CHICKEN BREAST (one per person) and stick it in a ziploc bag with a splash of water in it.  Take a heavy saucepan and beat the shit out of it. Do this until it’s thinner.

• Whisk an EGG or two in the bowl.  Combine BREAD CRUMBS and PARMESAN CHEESE at a one-to-one ratio, maybe a cup or so if you want. You’re the boss. Dredge (I love that word) the chicken breast in the egg first, then the bread crumbs.

• Place it in a baking dish that has been greased with OLIVE OIL.  I’m at a point in my life where I pretty much won’t tell you to make anything without drizzling olive oil on it.  So do that, please. Thanks.  Bake in the oven at 375 degrees for about 25 minutes or until golden.

• Meanwhile, back at the stove, you cook some spaghetti noodles until they are almost done.  You drain them and let them sit in the sieve and continue to cook.  You didn’t do for them what they could easily do for themselves.

• Remove chicken from the oven and top with a seasoned TOMATO SAUCE, either Spaghetto, your personal, homemade favorite, or a jarred variety.  You pick.  Boss.  Top with more parmesan cheese.  The more, the merrier.

• Return to oven for about 5 minutes or until the cheese is melted.

• Place the cutlet on a bed of noodles.  Spoon on additional sauce to your taste.  Tell your heart that you didn’t fry the cutlet; don’t tell this to your Valentine.  He/she won’t even notice.

Have a great dinner.  Don’t forget the wine.  You might choose sparkling wine to go with the bruschetta, and then transition to red for the chicken.  If you end up naked at the end of this meal, you’ll know you are an excellent cook.

We’re celebrating 14 Days of Love and Food!  Check back tomorrow for Day 11 of musings on various matters de la corazon.

RE-RE-RE-RE-REPOSTED SHAMELESS PROMOTION AND AQUA ALERT:  If you like this blog, please vote for Saving Private Mommy on Babble.com.  Greta has made the TOP 100 Bloggers list already, and is seeking a position in the TOP 50!  What a greedy little whore.  Go to Babble’s website.  You’ll find Saving Private Mommy on or around page 2. Greta thanks you for your support!

Here’s a Brownie recipe for your Valentine’s feast, should you choose an at-home celebration.  This may look like an ordinary brownie, but, well, it’s heart-shaped and it packs a heavyweight punch of buttery, chocolate goodness.  I realize this is more a TGIFriday’s caliber of dessert, but I’ve been busy rehearsing a community theater production and haven’t had the courage or the confidence to take on chocolate truffles, a recipe in my distant past when I worked much harder to impress people.  But here is a brownie, a very good one that is begging to be partnered with a glass of milk or a scoop of vanilla ice cream with a messy splash of chocolate syrup on top.  But as I said, I’m rehearsing a community theater production in a very small town with a small cast in a small theater and a very large director who says it should be like a Broadway opening.  Since he already yelled at me once tonight, I thought it wouldn’t be the best time to bring up that I am about one union card, 30 auditions, 24 pounds, $1600 per week plus living expenses, and at least 29 therapy sessions away from being Broadway ready.  That’s why I opted for the small play in the small town in the small theater with the small cast.  So much for trying to be small.

So, here’s the recipe, and I must confess, I am breaking one of my favorite rules about measuring.  I will ask you to measure because baking is one of those chemically balanced things, kind of like launching a space shuttle, only better.  The misery of measuring, however, is offset by the fact that you can make this sucker in ONE BOWL.  There is hope, there is a god, and there is a chance for me, even with an impending Broadway opening in a theater in a suburb in a shopping center next to Subway for $0 an hour.  In northern California.

• Don’t stress.  This won’t hurt a bit.

• Get a saucepan and put it on the stove.

• Over medium heat, melt one stick of BUTTER and 3 ounces of UNSWEETENED CHOCOLATE.  Keep stirring.

• Once it’s cooled, add 1 cup of SUGAR and 2 EGGS.  Mix it well.  Add a teaspoon of VANILLA EXTRACT.

• In a small bowl, whisk 2/3 cup FLOUR and 1/4 teaspoon BAKING SODA.  (Sorry about the second bowl.  It won’t get dirty.)

• Drop the dry ingredients into the gooey, chocolatey mix that you can’t lick because it’s got raw egg in it.  Mix.

• Pour it in a greased baking pan (8 x 8 or 9 x 9 or a pie pan).  Use BUTTER.  Don’t talk to me about Crisco.  Ah!  Shh!  Put in the oven and let it cook for 30 minutes.  Or less if you like it extra gooey.

Happy V-day to all.  I’m going to bed.  After a glass of sparkling Shiraz with the husband.  It’s not just for celebrating anymore.

We’re celebrating 14 Days of Love and Food!  Check back tomorrow for another heart-shaped blog.

RE-REPOSTED SHAMELESS PROMOTION AND RED ALERT:  If you like this blog, please vote for Saving Private Mommy on Babble.com.  Enough votes could make Greta go viral.  She’s always wanted to be a virus.  Go to Babble’s website and click ‘alphabetical’ just above the names of the nominated sites.  You’ll find Saving Private Mommy on or around page 9. Greta thanks you for your support!  That link, if you missed the first 2 times, is right here.  Oh thank you, oh thank you!  Here it is again.  And again.  One last time.  Bye!

Just in case you forgot.

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How do you say I’ll never need anything more in my life, like the not-that-attractive Pottery Barn sofa for $3,600 or a luxury cruise on the Baltic Sea or a full-time, live-in, round-the-clock, overworked yet overjoyed, salaried housekeeper?  You say it with tomatoes, basil, garlic and olive oil on French bread.  That’s how you say it.  And now, I’m going to help you make it.

You will win friends and influence eaters with this recipe.  No one will look at you the same again.  They will love you.  Not for you, but for your bruschetta.  They will want to see you more often.  They will associate you with magic of good food.  That’s almost as good as owning a speed boat that they want to use.  It’s a close second or third, for sure.  And that might be good enough.

Make this for appetizer for your Valentine, either before the romantic feast you prepared at home or before you go out to eat.  Pre-gaming isn’t just for sports anymore.  Open a bottle of sparkling wine and sit and talk about what breed of dog you’d be if you were a dog.

• Chop some ROMA TOMATOES.  Remove the seeds and pulp or it will be very mushy.  It’s important that you respect your bruschetta.

• Chop up a few BASIL leaves.  Inhale the righteous vapors, Bra.

• Chop a clove of GARLIC, drop it in, and make the tomatoes and basil deal with it.

• Dump in a lug or glug of OLIVE OIL.

• Season with ROCK SALT to taste.

• Mix.  Taste.  Chill.  Oh, and put it in the fridge.

• Slice some SOURDOUGH or FRENCH or ITALIAN BREAD.  Toast it.  Then rub a clove of GARLIC on both sides.  Prepare to levitate.

• Place bread slices around a bowl of the tomato mixture.  Drizzle with OLIVE OIL.  Let them eat bruschetta.

Make this and prove to the world that simplicity is culinary gold, the universe is in a grain of sand, and I have never seen an episode of Dallas.  It’s true.  Not one episode.  My parents didn’t watch it and neither did I.  Yes, the impossible is possible here at SavingPrivateMommy.com.  Right here.  Make that recipe, and see how I missed an important piece of television history.  And Happy Valentine’s Day!

We’re celebrating 14 Days of Love and Food!  Check back tomorrow for another heart-shaped blog.

REPOSTED SHAMELESS PROMOTION AND RED ALERT:  If you like this blog, please vote for Saving Private Mommy on Babble.com.  Enough votes could make Greta go viral.  She’s always wanted to be a virus.  Go to Babble’s website and click ‘alphabetical’ just above the names of the nominated sites.  You’ll find Saving Private Mommy on or around page 9. Greta thanks you for your support!  That link, if you missed the first 2 times, is right here.  Oh thank you, oh thank you!  Here it is again.  And again.  One last time.  Bye!

Just in case you forgot.

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• You Are What You Eat: Ban the can! (ballardnewstribune.com)

Some things are bold, odiferous, and take over your entire being.  And despite this, you really like them.  Great warriors come to mind.  They conquer the land, storm the castle, capture the fair maiden, and miraculously, she falls hopelessly in love with him and sits by his side saying, “yes, sire,” while he makes serfs of all her family, friends and neighbors.  The same is true of the salad that comes of the recipe below.  Make it for your Valentine, so that his/her breath and your breath will create a garlic-powered force field and neither of you will perceive the gaseous gourmet vapors emitting from your esophagi.  (I think I am the first person in my family to use the plural form of esophagus.  I hope my mom is beaming in front of her backlit screen.)  And with the salad you will be able to Seize Her or Seize Him into your good graces.  The power of garlic is infinite.

• We have a strict No Measuring rule here at Savingprivatemommy.com.  Have your courage ready.

• In a big bowl, squirt some ANCHOVY PASTE (maybe a couple of tablespoons worth).  Add a clove of minced GARLIC, a few healthy squirts of a LEMON wedge, several dashes of TABASCO or other RED PEPPER SAUCE, a dollop of DIJON MUSTARD, and maybe a third of a cup of OLIVE OIL.  And a pinch of ROCK SALT.

• Whisk it. Taste it.  If it’s too pungent, add more oil.  If it needs more kick, try more Dijon or pepper sauce or lemon, but probably not more garlic and anchovy paste.  Too much garlic can cause enough gas to literally launch your esophagus into orbit.  Actually, I’m kidding.  But you might feel like it will, especially if you smoke pot and eat too much garlic.

• Add 2 to 3 hearts of ROMAINE LETTUCE.  Grate some PARMESAN CHEESE and toss like there’s no tomorrow.  Lettuce without dressing is naked.  Don’t demean your lettuce.  Clothe it as you would your newborn babe in 30-below weather.  Crack some BLACK PEPPER over the top.

• Oh, and don’t forget the croutons!  Break some pieces of FRENCH BREAD and sauté them in a bit of OLIVE OIL.  That’s it, no seasoning necessary.  Believe.

Good luck in not wanting to eat this every night, instead of McDonald’s even.  If you try this recipe, I’d like to ask that you give yourself a hug and a high-five afterward.  You deserve it for having made a Caesar salad WITHOUT RAW EGG IN IT.  If you haven’t decided whether or not you will take on this adventure, click on the photo and behold the tapestry of sumptuous ingredients.

Check back with Greta tomorrow for Day 3 of her 14 Days of Love and Food Fest. Next up are recipes for an appetizer, dessert, and the main dish, along with other musings about Valentine’s Days and the people who love them.